I don't think you know how much you hurt me.
The things you said or did.
The places you went to that made it seem like you were running away from me, or running into her arms.
You said I have no reason to think it looked the way it did.
I don't really know that it was how it seemed to be.
How am I supposed to know if it was or wasn't?
I read your texts.
You don't know I read them.
They weren't to her but to another "friend".
They said how you were careful and that you made sure to delete those texts.
What was I supposed to think?
I know I hurt you 3 years ago when I basically did the same thing to you.
But that was different.
You were the distant one then and are the distant one now.
It was you who changed, not me.
I fell in love with someone else because they treated me how you should have been all along.
You treated me like nothing I ever did was good enough.
I didn't clean the house enough.
I didn't cook enough.
I didn't do the laundry enough.
I didn't love you enough.
You fail to see that I did all of those things.
7 years of doing everything I could to try to make it in life.
All while working 2 jobs, going to school, and trying to keep the house as orderly as possible.
What did you do?
You went to work.
And then got mad at me because you didn't approve of my job.
Or what I made for dinner.
Or how tired I was at night from all I do.
You expected me to be ready willing and able whenever you wanted.
Even if I wasn't in the mood or was already half asleep.
You thought that when I said I wanted a back rub it meant it was go time.
Why can't a back rub because I'm sore from working all day just be a back rub?
Why is it so hard for you to understand or accept.
I can't do this anymore.
I fell out of love with you.
She had a lot to do with it.
It seemed that you cared about her more than me.
You took her places I asked to go and then told me I didn't need to go there because we have already been.
You took her places on days that you should have been with me.
You knew my schedule.
I changed shifts to make more time for you and I told you about it.
Then you proceeded to make plans with everyone else during the time I made for you.
What did you expect?
Did you expect that I would roll over and play dead?
Did you accept that I would put up with you screwing around with anyone you wanted?
While I stayed at home?
Busting my ass working to pay off bills YOU made, when you make more than I do?
Did you think this would just never end and that I would put up with it?
My self esteem may be low but I can do so much better.
I was strong enough to let you go.
So that I can be better.
And I am getting there.
Now it's your turn.
You need to let go of me so that I can move on and be happy.
There is someone who makes me smile.
Gives me butterflies.
Makes me feel giddy again.
Unfortunately, he doesn't know how I feel.
But it's nice to feel this way nonetheless.
However, every time I hear from you I want to cry.
I want to cry because of what was and how long it took me to be strong enough to go.